Try this at home!
Parsing for gender
I only gave it 217 words, so I'll have to try again with a larger sample, but my initial results were: male!
Does this mean my writing has been completely subverted by the dominant male influence on our culture, or is writing just primarily a "male" activity? Hmm. Must do more research.
- posted by Chris @ 8:56 AM

 
The politics of tribalism
One of the things I often overlook when I'm thinking about our great American political experiment is this: a lot of people, who didn't know each other very well, weren't related, and sometimes spoke a different language, had to learn not only how to get along, but how to function as a community, then how to govern a country. Some groups of people were larger than others, and some immigrants came as families, but the larger pattern was the antithesis of tribalism.
On NPR this morning, I heard a comment made by a voter in Philadelphia. That city's current mayor is under federal investigation, and has been accused of funneling city resources and giving preferential treatment to family and friends. The woman quoted said she saw nothing wrong with that; it's what politicians do.
Yes, I was appalled. Not all politicians do that. Some bend over backwards to avoid even the possibility that a kin connection would influence their decisions.
But the larger point was her calm acceptance of this practice. Favoring those you know is the hallmark of tribalism. Haven't we seen enough examples of how this doesn't work? Pick virtually any spot in Africa. The morass of the former Yugoslavia. Nepal. Afghanistan. Iraq. When people start making political decisions that favor "their kind," everybody loses.
- posted by Chris @ 9:11 AM

 
Another perspective on porn
:It's not the "ice-cream maker's" fault (from Carly @The Daily Grind)

For those that are insecure, porn is an escape and an excuse. Porn is their way of hiding out from the world. Let’s face it – genuine intimacy is an incredibly intense and intimidating thing, and it’s something that’s very hard to approach. When you allow yourself to be that open with someone, you’re vulnerable – and many of us in this generation have grown up believing that vulnerability is a sign of weakness rather than a character strength as it really is. As a result, we hide our true selves away from one another, especially in the bedroom… because when are you more vulnerable than when you’re naked with another person? And so the walls go up, and so the sex is more aggressive and less passionate and connective, and so we wind up retaining that strong veneer that we saw ourselves as entering into the experience with. It’s easier to hide that side of ourselves from someone else, just as it’s easier to watch porn and jack off to it rather than venture out into the world and try to hook up with someone real. Likewise, it’s easier to blame porn for our issues with how we look and feel than it is to look within one’s self and say, “You know, I’m not happy with my ass and I can’t figure out why that is, so maybe I should change that.” Whether it be a change in exercise or a change in attitude is up to the individual. But to blame porn for this isn’t constructive at all. That’s like blaming Ben and Jerry for making someone fat. Nobody said you have to eat ice cream to the exclusion of all other foods, you chose to do it… so why are the ice cream makers at fault for your inability to govern yourself accordingly?

Okay ... she has point that the breakdown of communication between men and women isn't a result of rampant Internet pornography ... but doesn't having that kind of escape so readily available seriously undermine individual attempts to overcome the obstacle? I may not want to eat ice cream all day every day, but if the alternative is growing my own vegetables and butchering a cow, guess what? Pass the spoon.
- posted by Chris @ 11:19 AM

 
Recurring subject: relationships in the age of easy porn
What can a woman offer a man who's seen it all?

It's not easy being single these days, at any age, I'm thinking, but I only know about my age. Single men are a rare thing at nearly-40 ... most of my friends are married, or with long-term partners, and don't know many single guys (so the networking thing isn't working too well). Internet match-ups? Too much assumed intimacy, way too soon ... Bars? Too much smoke and beer-induced lunacy ... Singles clubs? If I've got an extra $100 a month, I need to be putting it into a retirement fund, right?
And now this ... read the article first, if you want to get the gist of this rant.
Men who see everything there is to see of a woman online are going to evaluate their real-life options with a different filter on the lens. I don't want to have to take "porn-star training" in order to satisfy the sexual expectations of a man. I hate the idea that my normal body shape isn't "acceptable" or "desirable" ... and the protests of the (married) women in the office that not all men are like this just piss me off. They don't know what it's like to be out there, hoping to be in the right place at the right time with enough of the right look to get some of the right kind of attention. (yeah, yeah, talk to my therapist if you're irritated by the "right/wrong" implications ... shades of gray, my ass). I get just enough of the "almost right" kind of attention to know that our culture is definitely being shaped by the visual imagery bombarding us from billboards, TV screens, glossy magazines and Internet porn sites.
A few more sessions, and I might have another perspective. This is the one for now, though.
- posted by Chris @ 11:03 AM

 
O, to be in the position to decide ....
... to be kept, or do the keeping
I've thought about this A LOT.
I had some brief encounters with a very wealthy older man who talked a lot about finding a wife and having children. It sounded like an ideal situation, and I fantasized about it being me for a little more than a while: no more counting the days to payday, stretching $50 until it squeaked for change, having to decide between seeing a movie or having dinner, etc ... all the wage slave woes of our modern age (which means, no whining, since I don't live in a Third World country). Anyway, I had fantasies of being "kept" ... living the life described in the article; to wit, Starbucks at 10 a.m., Pilates at 1 p.m., book club at 4 p.m., making a gourmet dinner at home for the hubby by 8 p.m. and doing it all over again the next day. Having cute, adorable babies and a nanny to go with me whenever I took them out of the house. Having a nanny, period.
I know that whomever this man marries is going to have this life. It just isn't going to be me. It's not like I decided that I couldn't do it. I'm just not that woman.
I confess to still having the fantasy, though. Maybe it's all those Prince Charming bedtime stories I read at impressionable ages. (Note to parents of teenage girls: If they're reading Harlequin romances, you need to make sure they're getting another perspective, or they'll be warped for life).
When I walk a minute in the shoes on the other side, I realize that I'd NEVER want to be someone's keeper. O, the responsibility. O, the begrudgement.
- posted by Chris @ 4:27 PM

 
Real vs. Reality
The devil in the room:

"With no religious implication, I say: a devil is at large. He tells us that acts of kindness and common decency do not exist; the worst possible interpretation should be placed on acts that appear to embody those values. Individuals do not exist; only categories."

Read the whole thing; it's good.

However, it has to be about balance.
It's not about being suspicious of everyone. It's about recognizing the possibilities of a situation, and being able and willing to accept the consequences of every decision, no matter how minor.
Acts of human kindness are real. Celebrate them.
Acts of human stupidity are inevitable. Deal with them appropriately.
- posted by Chris @ 2:01 PM

 
Sucking the light right out of this place ...
Emotional Vampires
I work with one! And she's punishing the rest of the office for my refusal to get sucked in. Can't smack her (wouldn't really want to get that close). Can't make her leave (she's like a barnacle here). I'm not ready to leave ... so I guess I'll work on my meditation techniques, and try to ignore the monster in our midst.
- posted by Chris @ 4:00 PM

 
We're hardwired!
"Animals are hard-wired to flirt in order to attract, then judge, a mate. "
(link is washingtonpost.com, may require registration)

Interesting theory in the article at this link: Flirting is actually the best way for women to protect themselves in the dating culture. It gives us time to evaluate our options, drawing out the "getting to know you" process so that we have a better idea of what we're getting into.
- posted by Chris @ 5:22 PM

 
To emote, or not to emote?
Therapy could actually be bad for us:

"Furedi has for some time been concerned about the rise of emotionalism in politics and culture. But the problem, he insists, is not only that today's society celebrates emotion above achievement and reason - it's that it has created a regime that 'praises some emotions and stigmatises others', creating an authoritarian and destructive dynamic."

and this one:

"To put this in non-academic speak: today's society has made therapy into a way of life, and that's what needs to be challenged."

- posted by Chris @ 5:21 PM

 
How can it only be Tuesday?
Would I blog more if I had 24/7 access to hi-speed Internet? I have some great ideas at 10 p.m., but would I really get up and get on the computer? I'm more of a lurker ... I read a lot of other people's blogs, and I've left the occasional comment, but mostly I just surf the vast ocean of ideas out there ... My next task is to learn how to put hyperlinks in my text ... I think it's pretty easy, but a little more work than just typ-typ-typing along.
Really? It's still Tuesday? Sigh.

Update 10/23/03: Success!! I have learned the form of the link. I also learned how to indent paragraphs, and I got brave enough to add some more links and request linkage from Instapundit. And I updated my comments service. Went for something a little less obtrusive. Feeling pretty good about myself right now.
- posted by Chris @ 4:48 PM

 
Cat's houses, Dog's houses
Moments of introspection brought to you by the healthy and solid (not fat) 15-pound feline that sat in my lap most of the weekend:
• In a dog's house, most of the time, a visitor gets the immediate gratification of animal affection.
• In a cat's house, you aren't likely to see the best and most adorable behaviors of the pet, because the cat is saving those for its primary human, generally in order to win some food or treat concession.
• Dogs don't seem to care what season it is. They just want to be around you.
• A cat will keep to itself until the evenings and mornings turn to the chilly side. And then he'll jump on you with paws cold from tile floor, or from staking out the window left open for fresh air, and want to snuggle at the precise moment you have to a) get up to get ready for work, b) pee, or c) change position because your arm fell asleep.
- posted by Chris @ 8:46 AM

 
Write that Novel!
NaNoWriMo.org : Home - What is NaNoWriMo?

I know several people who should put 50,000 words into this project. I may be one of them.
- posted by Chris @ 5:02 PM

 
It's the culture!
Internet Porn - Sex - Relationships - Cover Story - October 20, 2003

a taste:

"Rick has a solution -- of sorts. "Thing is, you can find a million girls just like them online,” he says. “And they’re naked, doing whatever you want them to do.” And so he’ll often find himself stumbling home at four in the morning and going online to search out digital copies of the women he’s just seen gyrating on the dance floor. Rick admits his isn’t exactly the healthiest outlook on dating. “I think it’s a substitute for reality,” he says. “What you can’t get through real life, you can get through porn.”

Okay, I will admit to a currently low opinion of the male of our species, so I'm more likely than not to blog this and not, say, an interesting treatise on how men are more likely to be doing housework these days. And please tell me the guys are using keyboard covers and mouse sheaths. eww.
- posted by Chris @ 3:07 PM

 
Free? or Safe?
The turbo growl of a C-130 landing at D-M last night ... the A-10s in their mile-high pas de deux on a clear blue day. Are these the sounds/sights of freedom? I don't feel free when I hear the rumble of our military readiness. I feel safe. They aren't the same thing.
- posted by Chris @ 8:35 AM

 
.doc subversion
Now that I'm a computer user of the Mac variety, I see the subversion of our culture that can be summed up in the .doc extension. The assumption that attachments are desired, nay, necessary. Don't make me download your document! Put the information in the body of an email! I don't need to see that you know how to use the drawing tools. I don't need to see all the pretty fonts you have on your system (that I probably don't have on mine, so I won't see them anyway). Microsoft makes powerful tools, I don't disagree. We just don't all have the same toolbox, and don't suck me into your delusion that the entire world wants to! Thank you.
- posted by Chris @ 8:49 AM

 
Freedom is leaving 30 minutes early
Although I'm really still working ... someday I won't be a wage slave, and I'll be able to spend hours in the coffee shop, using wifi to blog.
- posted by Chris @ 4:50 PM

 
It won't save time, really
If you think you can convince the cat to let you sleep in on a Saturday by putting a little extra food in his bowl when you are up for a moment at 4 a.m., reconsider. You will likely drop the food bin on the floor, spilling at least two days' worth of food. Then you'll have to push away the cat and sweep up the mess. Then you'll have to placate him by putting more food in his bowl. Then you can go back to bed, but you'll be wide awake. And then when you try to sleep for an "extra" hour or two (compared to the 7 a.m. weekday wakeup), he'll want to groom you, and perhaps even sprawl asleep over your stomach, and if you move, he'll bite hard enough to make you yelp and become wide awake again. Just put the damn food in his bowl before you go to bed.
- posted by Chris @ 11:04 AM

 
Donuts, Scones & Multigrain
Men come in three packages: donuts, scones and multigrain.
• Donuts are sweet, sugar-coated, fluffy, incredibly hard to resist when well-made, have no redeeming nutritive value, and are empty in the middle.
• Scones are just sweet enough, have some texture and depth, can be flavored with various fruits and nuts, but are good even when basic, all without being too good for you.
• Multigrains are full of fiber, chewy, dense and good for you, all while keeping you regular.
- posted by Chris @ 11:35 AM

 
Public service
Once again, I ask myself, "Self, why would anyone knowingly put themselves into politics?" In the course of my writing life, I visit a school board meeting once a month. This particular school district, a small one on the fringes of a large metropolitan area, has a polarized governing board. The residents of said district are also deeply divided over the issue of whether or not to pursue building a high school. The board meetings are rancorous, although usually thinly overlaid with passive-aggressive politeness. I admire the people who are willing to put themselves up for election to local boards ... it's what maintains the foundation of our larger state and federal systems. But I seriously question why anyone incurs the aggravation. And it's not like you can be honest in these meetings. (Mr. X, your long-winded, repetitive assessment of the situation shows a distinct lack of preparation. Ms. Y, your public speaking skills undermine your message. Mr. W, please leave your sense of self-importance at the door.) Committees really do bring out the worst in our natures, don't they? Just sitting there brings out mine, apparently. This blog doesn't give me the bitchy kitten icon to use, so use your imagination [here].
- posted by Chris @ 8:53 AM

 
Read It on InstaPundit.Com
InstaPundit.Com: "On the Web, you gain power by giving up control. The Clark crew doesn't seem to have quite figured that out yet, but they will, if they stay in the race long enough.
"
The "Clark crew" drafted a general, not a private. And he's acting like a general, not a private. Do we want a General President?
- posted by Chris @ 11:21 AM

 
Slow to go this week
Some weeks it's just hard to get motivated to think things out. I spend a lot (A LOT) of time and energy on work projects, and just sitting a while to think is not one that my environment supports. It's not that I want all the perks of European working life, because I'd have to take some pretty crappy anti-perks, but a little balance between the way they do things and the way we do things would be nice. A few more paid holidays, a little shorter work week. I'm already massively productive, without being massively compensated. Just the way the world works? Why?
- posted by Chris @ 2:50 PM

 
Media bias? Or just the way things are?
Another stream of blogging I've been following is the supposed media skewing of the way things really are in Iraq. I can't imagine that there's sinister intent in the stories we see ... mostly about the near-daily attacks on American troops, the unrest in the streets, etc. I see it as the international version of the coverage we see here. Think about it: Would you recognize your life if you only saw America though the eyes of our TV news? The nightly news programs make it look like we're a nation of drug-users, wife-beaters and gang-bangers who use corrupt accountants to cover the traces of our fabulous wealth. Some of us are like that, but for the most part, Americans treat each other pretty well, we're safe on our streets and in our homes, our businesses are mostly well-run, and our politicians are not entirely corrupt. Yes, it would be much nicer if we had a better-balanced picture of life here and over there. But we don't pay attention to our good news; what makes any journalist think we're going to pay attention to good news from Iraq?
- posted by Chris @ 9:08 AM

 
Can o' worms!
Violence Silence - Why no one really cares about prison rape. By Robert Weisberg and David Mills
I've been noticing this idea stream, half-heartedly I admit, on my favorite links-o-plenty blog (instapundit dot com). The whole idea of prison reform is just a darn big can of worms. Toss in the idea that we have to address the human rights of prisoners being raped, and those worms just wiggle wiggle wiggle around looking for a dark corner of my mind to hide from conscious thought.
I know what I'm supposed to say/think: Our society is measured by the way we treat the least among us. It's a nicely crafted, generally Judeo-Christian/Buddhist theme, but ... (there's always a "but").
The US has one of the highest incarceration rates in the world. Right up there on a par with Communist China, where people go to prison for having a contrary thought. At least, in this country, you have to smoke a joint or defraud a customer to get tossed in the slammer.
Anyway ... the point ... see how the wiggle works? The point is that prisoners treat each other VERY badly. What else do we expect when we put a bunch of violent (incipiently or otherwise) young men (mostly) in close proximity, with nothing else to do but use state-of-the-art gym equipment, watch cable TV, smoke, and wait for their state-sponsored health care appointments? Ohmigosh. Do you see the wiggle?!? I cannot take this idea seriously! Prison is prison. If we want to rehabilitate people who break the law, it's not prison, it's a Betty Ford Center. I think I'll have to go away from this until I can not not feel sorry for these "victims."
I have split brain about this. It's important that we don't tolerate an increasingly dangerous prison situation. But I think we have to get real about what being "in prison" means: prisoners have violated the rights of other citizens. They got caught and convicted. They're supposed to suffer for their sins.
See (and feel) the worms wriggle. I'm going to post this, no more tweaking.
- posted by Chris @ 3:01 PM

 
Smiting?
I'm not sure what to think this morning. I'm irritated by an NPR report I heard on the status of the constitutional convention in Iraq (religious leaders are demanding that the constitution be written their way or no way). But as I'm muttering to myself, scaring the cat as I'm walking and talking through the house, I get blasted in the eye with something. It was right at the point that I was saying something like "I don't think God (whatever you conceive it to be) cares about constitutions. I certainly don't see that it works very well to have religion be the dominant force in government, and I definitely don't want someone telling me what to do based on his assumption that he knows what God wants me to do." Then later, at work, I'm carrying a hot cup of tea, thinking about what to blog on this, and I trip over nothing as I'm walking and working out a very similar thought.
I really don't like the idea that I'm being smited for these thoughts ... I don't think I am; I think it's Lutheran guilt kicking in, from that deeply buried section of my brain that once memorized Bible verses and the entire Lutheran catechism for teenagers on the verge of the confirmation process.
- posted by Chris @ 9:10 AM

 
Star Trek living
I've always wanted to live in the world of Star Trek ... except for the clingy women's wear. I want hypo-sprays for shots, I want sealed teeth instead of dental work, I want transporters and warp speed. First, though, I think I'll have to survive social apocalypse. I don't have the hunting, gathering and camping skills for that. (Inner self says: get with it, sister, itsa comin'!)
- posted by Chris @ 3:09 PM